How To Handle Challenging Behavior In Young Children
Whether you are new to the child care industry or a seasoned provider, you will at some point have a child in your program who bites, kicks, punches, screams, throws things, or has tantrums. This behavior can be very challenging and cause much frustration without the skills needed to manage it.
Before we get started, If you're new here, My name is Dena, and I have been a center director for 20 years and love what I do, but it is WORK! My goal is to help other providers with their child care programs and help relieve the stress that the daycare world brings. Don't forget to snag my free daily schedules for infants, toddlers, and preschoolers before you leave!
So how do you handle these behavior challenges? Are you just supposed to ignore it? Should you dismiss the child? Is there something you can do to correct the behavior?
Let's talk about 4 steps in managing challenging behavior.
1. Observe and record when the behavior is occurring. Take a few days and use a behavior documentation form to write down what the behavior is, the time it happens, and what activity the child is participating in. What was going on in the classroom? Did the behavior happen during center time? transition time? circle time? etc. What strategy or redirection technique was used for the behavior, and how did the child react to the strategy? Tracking the behavior will give insight into the triggers. For example, does Johnny only hit when he is in centers? Maybe sharing toys is a trigger to his behavior.
2. Realize why a child is misbehaving. Hitting, throwing things, and kicking over furniture are symptoms of something deeper. Children, especially young children, are learning new ways to communicate all the time. They often act out because they cannot express what they want, need, or feel. Some children misbehave when they are tired, frustrated, or stressed.
While some behavior may be a normal part of a child's growth and development, other behavior may be influenced by an environment that is stressful or unhealthy. Significant changes or disruptions in the family or stresses experienced by the child, parents, or caregivers also have a role to play. Children experiencing stress or changes at home are often looking for stability, reassurance, and attention.
3. Develop and implement a plan of action. After tracking the child's behavior, determining the triggers, and why they are misbehaving, develop a plan of action. Depending on the child and the situation, you can decide what strategy to use. Let's look at a few different approaches.
Prevention- Prevent the behavior from occurring before it starts. For example-have Johnny play in a different center or change his seat before the behavior begins.
Redirection- Give him a similar but more appropriate activity to participate in. For example-if Johnny is trying to color the walls, you say "let's color in the art center." Always lead children to something else while using positive language, say "walking feet please" instead of "don't run!"
Positive Reinforcement- Offer rewards or praise when a child engages in the desired behavior. "Thank you for cleaning up the toys so quietly and quickly. Great job!"
Ignoring- If a child is not endangering himself or others, it is sometimes appropriate to ignore the behavior. For example- Johnny is throwing a tantrum. Instead of giving him the attention he craves, you say, "Johnny, I see that you're upset. Whenever you are ready to join us at the table, you can sit right here." Then ignore him.
After a few minutes, Johnny will most often calm down and slowly make his way over to the table when he realizes that no one is watching him. Once Johnny calms down, tell him you are proud of him for calming down. Empathize by stating that sometimes we all experience things we don't like; explain that, while you understand he was sad, throwing a tantrum is not good behavior. Over time, he will learn that tantrums are an ineffective way to manage his feelings and manipulate people.
Give Choices- Giving children choices helps them feel like they have some control over their lives. Instead of telling Johnny to put on his shoes, say, "Johnny, we need to put on our shoes to protect our feet when we are running outside. Now, which shoe do you want to put on first, the right one or left?" or "Do you want to put on your shoes by yourself or do you want me to help you?"
Empathize- Be sensitive to their feelings and emotions and model empathy. Children must be taught how to express their feelings. Talk with them regularly about their feelings and read books with them about empathy. When Johnny is mad, instead of telling him how he should behave, get on his level, look him in the eye, and say, "Johnny, I see that you are upset. Your face looks like this (show him a mad face picture). I get upset too, sometimes. It's ok to be upset, but you know the rules, we clean up first, then we go outside." Acknowledging their feelings will help them learn to express them.
4. Assess the results and make changes as needed. Every child responds differently to different approaches. Continue to document each situation and strategy to decide what worked best for that particular child. Be sure to inform parents and get them involved in the whole process. You may want to use a behavior chart to give to parents to communicate about their child’s day. Have them reinforce the techniques at home.
Although equipped with the best of skills, there still may be times where it is appropriate to dismiss a child from your program. If a child is constantly hurting himself and others and you have tried everything you know to do, you may want to consider dismissal. The other children's safety should be a priority. In this case, tell the parent that you are incapable of giving their child the care they need and pointing them to a resource that may help them. You can download my child care termination letter here.If you have a child who shows signs of special needs, do not diagnose a child to a parent. Address the concerning behaviors you have noticed and mention that they might want to consult with their pediatrician as a precaution.
In closing, when dealing with behavior management, the two most important things to remember are remaining calm and consistent. The following are resources to consider.
This website equips educators to integrate social-emotional learning, discipline, and self-regulation to spend less time policing behavior and more time teaching vital life skills.
PBS for Parents: Understanding Emotions and Self Awareness
This website provides families with tips to help children name their feelings, understand them, and develop strategies for expressing them in healthy ways.
Zero to Three: Challenging Behaviors
This website provides several resources to help families address challenging behavior, including tantrums, defiance, biting, and aggression.
What are some ways you manage challenging behavior? Comment below. We’d love to hear from you.