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Whether you're brand new to childcare or a seasoned pro, there’s one thing we all know—you will, at some point, have a child in your care who bites, kicks, punches, screams, throws things, or has tantrums.

Managing these behaviors can be incredibly challenging without the right tools and techniques, often leaving us feeling frustrated.

Before we get started,  If you're new to my site, remember to snag my FREE Family Screening Guide to select the families right for your program! Yes, you can carefully accept the right families and avoid the high-maintenance ones 🙌

Now, let’s dive into how to handle those challenging behaviors.

So how do you handle these behavior challenges? Are you just supposed to ignore it? Should you dismiss the child? Is there something you can do to correct the behavior? 

Let's talk about 4 steps in managing challenging behavior.

1. Observe and Record the Behavior

To start, spend a few days observing and documenting the behavior. Use a behavior documentation form to note what happened, the time it occurred, and what the child was doing when the behavior surfaced.

Did it happen during playtime, a transition, or circle time? Note any strategies you tried to redirect the behavior and how the child responded.

This tracking helps you spot patterns and triggers. For example, if Johnny only hits during center time, maybe sharing toys is challenging for him, and that’s worth addressing.

2. Understand the Reason Behind the Behavior

Behaviors like hitting, throwing, and kicking often point to a deeper issue. Young children are still learning how to express themselves, and they sometimes act out because they can’t yet communicate what they need or feel. Misbehavior can stem from tiredness, frustration, or even stress.

In some cases, behavior may be influenced by outside factors—family changes, a stressful home environment, or even a recent move. Kids dealing with stress are often looking for stability, reassurance, and attention, so remember, there’s usually a reason behind every action.

3. Create a Plan of Action

Once you have insights from your observations and understand the behavior’s root cause, it’s time to create a plan. Different situations call for different strategies, so let’s look at some effective approaches:

• Prevention: Preventing the behavior before it starts is often the best solution. If sharing triggers Johnny’s behavior, set him up to play in a different center or redirect him before the issue arises.

• Redirection: Offer a similar but more appropriate activity. If Johnny’s trying to color on the walls, guide him to the art center and say, “Let’s color over here!” Use positive language, like “walking feet, please” instead of “don’t run!”

• Positive Reinforcement: Offer rewards or praise when a child engages in the desired behavior. Say, “Thank you for helping clean up the toys so quickly and quietly. Great job!”

• Ignoring: If the child isn’t a danger to themselves or others, sometimes ignoring the behavior can be effective.

  For instance, if Johnny’s throwing a tantrum for attention, say, “Johnny, I see that you’re upset. You’re welcome to join us at the table whenever you’re ready.” Then, ignore him. Over time, he’ll learn that tantrums aren’t the best way to get attention.

• Offering Choices- Giving children choices helps them feel like they have some control over their lives.

  Instead of telling Johnny to put on his shoes, say, "Johnny, we need to put on our shoes to protect our feet when we are running outside. Now, which shoe do you want to put on first, the right one or left?" or "Do you want to put on your shoes by yourself or do you want me to help you?"

• Empathy- Be sensitive to their feelings and emotions and model empathy. Children must be taught how to express their feelings.

  Get down to their level, look them in the eye, and acknowledge their feelings. When Johnny’s upset, say, “Johnny, I see that you’re feeling frustrated. Your face looks like this (show him a mad face picture). I get upset too, sometimes. It's ok to be upset, but you know that we clean up first, then we go outside.” Empathy helps them feel understood and teaches emotional expression.

4. Assess and Adjust as Needed

Every child responds differently to different approaches. Continue to document each situation and strategy to decide what worked best for that particular child.

Be sure to inform parents and get them involved in the whole process. You may want to use a behavior chart to give to parents to communicate about their child’s day. Have them reinforce the techniques at home. 

When is Terminating Care Necessary?

Although equipped with the best of skills, there still may be times where it is appropriate to dismiss a child from your program.

If a child is constantly hurting himself and others and you have tried everything you know to do, you may want to consider dismissal.

The other children's safety should be a priority. In this case, tell the parent that you are incapable of giving their child the care they need and pointing them to a resource that may help them.

You can download my child care termination letter here. If you have a child who shows signs of special needs, do not diagnose a child to a parent. Address the concerning behaviors you have noticed and mention that they might want to consult with their pediatrician as a precaution. 

If you want to dive deeper into supporting children with special needs, check out my article Supporting Children with Special Needs in Your Childcare Program.

Staying Calm and Consistent is Key

In conclusion, when it comes to behavior management, the most important things to remember are to stay calm, practice patience, and remain consistent.

Here are a few of my favorite resources to support you:                                                                                          

Conscious Discipline

This website equips educators to integrate social-emotional learning, discipline, and self-regulation to spend less time policing behavior and more time teaching vital life skills.

PBS for Parents: Understanding Emotions and Self Awareness

This website provides families with tips to help children name their feelings, understand them, and develop strategies for expressing them in healthy ways.

Zero to Three: Challenging Behaviors

This website provides several resources to help families address challenging behavior, including tantrums, defiance, biting, and aggression.

FREE Bonus! Need extra guidance? Click here to download a free resource I found on Responding to Challenging Behaviors here! It’s from Rollins Center for Language & Literacy at the Atlanta Speech School.

So, how do you manage challenging behavior in your childcare program? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

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